Silver Linings

[druffine]

Past memories, present experiences, future dreams - all are but different spokes upon the whell of life. Each turn of the wheel reminds us of where we came from, of who we are today, and what we hope to become.

(Marie D. Jones)




My friend joolzmp7 gave this little book "Silver linings" to me as a present to my birthday. I never heard of the saying "Every cloud has a silver lining." before she told me and from there on it grew on me. Sometimes it's really hard to find that "silver lining" in a paticular situation. Like right now.

Life is fucking me over pretty good again. I'm goingt to lose my job because there is no money to have the young qualified personal work for you. Instead they hold onto old and ill people that only come to work on a sporadic rhythm if at all and block the positions they're on for other people. My administration gives millions to qualify young people for these jobs just to tell them good bye after a short time because someone who was ill for a year wants their position back just to be ill again after a few days.

In my case it's a bit different but the result is the same. To the public it doesn't look as if the money for the qualifying of young people is completely mis-used when you get them into work for a few months after, then when you fire them again, nobody is interested in those anymore because there are thousand new qualified young people fresh from school who have to find her place in working life -- for a few months. Those few months don't give you an account on social benefits at all and if you have a partner who works he's responsible for supporting you, whether he earns enough or not.

So, yeah, that's my situation. Worked a few months, have no right to get any social benefits because my bf lives with me and earns some money that is in the eye of the state enough to get us both through but is just enough for the rent. Great.

Of course my bf and I are fighting more often now. Money is killing the best relationship, no matter if you have too much or not enough or if only one has money and the other doesn't. I don't want him to put his lay-backs into supporting me. I don't want him to give up his dreams of having a house and all just for supporting me. He doesn't want that either but he would do it and I guess somewhere in the future he would hold it against me.

If I could find a new job? Well, my qualification is very special and generally I am only qualified to work in a official administration of the state or federal state or the community. And all those have the same problem - no money, no allowance to have new people working for them because the financial situation of them is sooo bad. Guess after six years of studying and qualification I am going to go work in a call center or a super market.

I am soooo angry and frustrated and sitting at work and look at all those people here having their little problems with their plants that don't want to bloom or their houses that need a new print on.... I could howl in desperation.

Well, isn't it grand?

To come back to the beginning, to complete the circle. Silver lining in this situation? I am going to have a damn lot of time to write and since at least my lj account and homepage is paid for the next year, writing is going to be pretty much the only thing that'll last. Wanna bet?